Self Harm
by percico-feels
Summary: When his feelings for Percy became too much, self harm was the only way Nico found to relieve the pain.


**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO or HoO; Rick Riordan does. And I'm not getting any money by writing this story either. :)**

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**Self Harm**

_by Julie Anna Tennant_

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He looked at the razor on his hands, still trying to figure if that was a good idea or not. He had heard plenty of times about people who hurt themselves, but that seemed such an idiotic idea to him. Really, he couldn't understand how cutting your own flesh would be of any help, the whole thing was kind of pointless to him… until fell for Percy.

Yeah! Shocking, hum!? The son of Hades fell for another guy, who could've thought? Quite unbelievable but it was the truth. Nobody knew, of course. He never told anyone. Okay, Jason knew thanks to that Cupid fiasco, but besides Jason, no one else knew.

Nico has always been a loner, especially after his sister died. He was too shy and interacting with people was really hard to him, so he preferred staying by his own. He dealt with his feelings for Percy by himself, but sometimes it was painfully difficult to hide it.

Everything got worse after the Giant War was over. He thought about leaving Camp-Half Blood behind and going back to Italy; maybe he could start over there and forget Percy for good, but of course he didn't go back to Italy. When Percy asked him to help training the new demigods, he said yes without even thinking properly and this end up being the worst choice he's ever made.

Staying at Camp Half-Blood meant staying next to Percy, which meant seeing him and Annabeth showing shamelessly their 'oh-so-perfect-and-unbreakable' love to anyone who wanted to see. Nico regretted his decision the moment he first saw the happy couple holding hands at Camp.

It hurt so fucking much. Watching them every day, looking so ridiculously happy that made Nico sick. He wanted to run away from there, but he had promised to help and he was not someone who broke his promises. So he stayed, even if seeing Percy and that girl together killed him little by little and broke his heart every single day.

And that was why now, what once seemed so ridiculous to him, now looked more than a solution to his problems. His heart ached so fucking much and he felt so alone and miserable. Nico never thought he would experience this much pain because of a one-sided love, but the thing was that he was experiencing this pain and he just wanted it to go away.

So, if people said that cutting helped, why not give it a try… right? If something went wrong, he would just eat some ambrosia and heal fast, no big deal.

He looked himself at the bathroom mirror briefly and hold the razor properly, hesitating just for a second before shoving it to his left wrist and cutting it in a swift move.

"FUCK!" he yelled in pain.

Blood spilled from the cut and dripped on the sink, maculating the white and clean porcelain with its dark red droplets. He had cut too deep, now the fucking thing wouldn't stop bleeding.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid" he muttered to himself, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his wrist.

That was when he heard the bathroom door opening and he almost jumped by surprise. He turned around, just in time to end up face to face with Percy Jackson himself.

"Are you okay, Nico?" Percy asked confused "I was passing by and heard you scream. You sound like you were in pain."

"I'm fine" the younger demigod answered shortly.

Percy looked at him suspiciously, as if feeling that something was wrong with his friend. It was just when he saw Nico's bleeding wrist that he said something, though.

"You're hurt" Percy said alarmed, grabbing his friend's hand.

Nico retreated, getting away from Percy's grip.

"I said I was fine. Just get out of here" the son of Hades said angrily, glaring at Percy.

The son of Poseidon was considering the other boy's request… when he saw the bloody razor on the sink and, suddenly, everything made sense.

"You were cutting yourself" he said bluntly "Gods Nico, why would you do that? This is stupid"

"Shut up, Percy! This is none if your business! Get OUT!"

"No! I'm not getting out!" Percy snapped "Why were you cutting yourself? This is not how you are."

Nico clenched his teeth, trying his best not to punch Percy in the face.

"You won't understand me" he said frustrated "No one will ever understand me. It hurts so fucking much and this was the best way I found to release this pain. So I'm sorry if I'm disappointing you, but just shut the fuck up and get away from here."

"Nico, what are you talking about? What hurts?"

"My fucking heart, Percy." he yelled, felling his eyes tingle with tears "My fucking heart hurts because I love someone who will never love me back and this sucks. Love sucks and I just want this pain to go away."

The son of Poseidon stared at his friend wide-eyed, trying to process everything he had just said. Nico was in love?

"I din't know you were in love."

The younger boy glared him once more.

"Of course you didn't, no one does."

Nico couldn't face Percy anymore. The turned his back to him and stared at the sink blankly. His mind was a mess and he didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to think.

"Just tell, then" he heard Percy say "If it hurts so much, just say it to whoever you're in love with. It can't be that bad."

A chuckle escaped the younger's lips, making his whole body shake.

"It's pretty bad, believe me."

"Who is it?"

His wrist ached like hell. Nico could feel the blood still dripping from the damn cut, but the pain on his flesh was nothing compared to the pain on his heart. What the fuck should he say?

"You"

The word hanged between the two of them, but nobody said anything else. Nico was too busy trying not to cry 'cause of that stupid cut on his wrist and, he thought, Percy was too disgusted and shocked to say anything.

When he grew the courage and turned to face his friend once more, though, he didn't find a single trace of disgust on his green eyes. Shock, yes, but not disgust. Percy was visibly trying to find the right words and, when he didn't, to Nico entire surprise, the son of Poseidon simply approached and, giving him a peck on the cheek, hugged his friend fiercely.

Nico stiffened on his arms; his head spinning just with the knowledge that Percy Jackson was hugging him dearly. Gods, his thoughts were sounding so girly, but he did felt weak on the knees and his heart was racing on his chest.

"I'm sorry" Percy mumbled "I didn't know."

Nico felt his eyes tingling with tears once more, but he held back the urge. Percy's embrace was comforting, so allowed himself to enjoy it, if only for that moment. He hugged the older boy by the waist and hid his face on the crook of his neck.

"It's okay." he said, even knowing that it was just a lie.

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**An Author's Note**

So, this is a prompt I got on Tumblr. I just liked the result, so I'm posting here as well.

Worth any reviews?

**_Julie Anna Tennant_**


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